Another bridge ignited by your spark

oh would you look at this,

it was a complete shoot and miss.

The sinister lie you spend your time with

You chose chaos over bliss.

Committing actions baised on whim

causing your concious voice to dim.

You're so sickly sorry when our eyes brim,

That perfect mask took over the old him.

I assume with your logic that you know

This was another bridge you decided to blow.

Did you think of once how it would affect me so?

I'd like to think so, but in reality, the answer is no.

Your facade is losing it's touch

Not all unbelievable

not all that inconceivable.

Hours, days, endless time wasted trying

attempting autonomy with a false underlining.

Knees buckling from the insurmountable weight

unyielding insecurities begin to procreate.

Relying on fictitious hope that I mattered

exhaustion hovered bedside with prayers unanswered.

And now hypocritical notions spill from your mouth

as if you bothered assisting an ounce.

Recounting the numbers of the ones who've done me wrong

I added one more because I know you've been one all along.

The Ballad of a Past Love Song

was I good enough?

Wasn't I faithful enough for your love?

What didn't you like?

Did I put up too much of a fight?

It's okay, you know.

Even though I loved you so.

I'm fine, it's better now.

I'm with a love I allow.

I'll be honest, starting here.

We weren't right for eachother, dear.

Too different in the wrong ways,

because we'd stay silent for days.

It's okay, you know.

Even though I loved you so.

I'm fine, it's better now.

I'm with a love I allow.

There was a time 

Where you were mine,

but you didn't want to try

You aided our love to die.

I suppose it was for the best

To leave me just like the rest,

but he is prooving my suspicions wrong

while holding my heart during a love song.

It's okay, you know.

Even though I loved you so.

I'm fine, it's better now.

I'm with a love I allow.

Obscurity of chance

you're one of a kind/ just so hard to find/ lost in the abyss of our mind/ still struggling to keep in line/ while the world goes down/ we watch it burn to the ground/ the screams are so loud/ that no one is saying a sound/ but at this point in life/ no matter the trouble or strife/ or the attraction to the knife/ we'll always escape the reapers scythe.

Cold flame of broken nostalgia

Freezing alone in the theoretical cave you left me in

Shivering away the last shimmer of hope and pride.

Self pity is the toughest opponent to face for victory

Self destruction deems the most appropriate for defeat. 

Exploring ones inner demons can feel impossible 

Exploiting your own faults falls under unthinkable.

To find the way out is to battle your inner fears,

To achieve your freedom you must trust natural instincts.

Attempting to dismiss the obscure thought of lost memories

Struggling against the persistence of unforgotten habits. 

The silent line has been broken with quiet kindness,

The frozen response weighs me more than you know.

Reality and clarity at stake

how can i undo 

whats already been done?

why did i do this to

the people that once held my sun?

i've been lost

and so much repressed.

Sanity and clariety was the cost

and all I needed was rest.

Look I'm sorry

Theres nothing left to say.

no use to share my story

when it's on repeat every day.

Many people have come and gone

some good, others were users

alot of them did me wrong

I even got with some abusers.

This didn't take a long time

for me to completely break down.

I couldn't claim anything mine

Cause I was broken on the ground.

I'm slowly rebuilding myself

but it's a long process.

I'm trying to fix this life

but it's such a mess.

Early emotions on a Wednesday

can you see what you've done?

You tried too hard, you burnt out the sun.

Whatever we had, it wasn't fun

now it's too late, this damage can't  be undone.

You pushed me, you hurt me you bruised me.

I tried to be the person you wanted me to be.

It never was enough, and I paid the fee.

I'll never be okay with what I see.

I only wanted you to be happy all this time

I sit and try to find words that rhyme

It was foolish for me to call you mine

When, to you, I costed less than a dime.

Now you won't even look my way

But I can still remember that one day

You said you loved me, what a game to play

With a broken heart, this girl has nothing to say.

Contradictions

I understand the pain you feel
skipping, lying about my last meal.
Just cause my depression is so hard to deal
my heart is closed, a permanent seal.

No way I will allow you in again.
Regardless if I call you my friend.
I thought brokenhearts were for friends to mend
not make it worse and wish for the end.

I miss you

As I watch another night
turn into day.
My heart is heavy with worry on
where you lay.
I have to fight so hard against with words
they say.
Hope is all have that my kindness
you'll soon repay.

You told me to trust you this one
last time,
If you fail me I've already made up
my mind.
But I hold onto your word as if
to find
A new future, like finally waking up
no longer blind.

Since you left my side I have been 
a mess.
Completely lost in my hectric mind I
must confess.
Strange how I can't remember- I must
have repressed.
Our memories so my damaged heart
would hurt less.

Im trying so hard to keep fighting
for you.
But I have no idea what I 
should do. 
I know it would break your heart if
you surely knew
How badly I took it and all the pain I
went through.

Please, baby, come back to me and
come home.
My night terrors are worse when I
sleep alone.
My heart, once open, is now full
now scorn.
Days like this I wonder what it'd be like 
if I wasnt born.

Love and Hate

I hate how I feel.
I hate what I see.
This can't be real
How we can never be.

I hate how I always fall,
I hate this loop were stuck in
Fighting to stay behind at least one wall
While trying to find a way to begin.

[ch] 
I hate that I love you
I hate how I still care
Even with what you put me through
no matter what I'm always there

I hate that my heart is yours,
I hate how much I wany this
We'vs tried to get off this course
Only to get close enough to steal a kiss.

I hate the way you call my name
I hate how easy I respond.
Don't whisper that you feel the same,
Let me believe there's no more bond.

[ch]
I hate that I love you,
I hate how I still care.
Even with what you put me through,
No matter why I'm always there.

I hate how much we fight it
I hate the amount of trouble we have.
It's too late, I'll have to admit
When together we share a smile and a laugh.

I hate what I feel when you leave,
I hate that I want to keep you near.
The look in your eyes makes me believe
That losing me is your greatest fear.

I hate that I'll sit and wait,
I hate how I know I'll always crumble.
Too many times feeling like this was fate
Once acceptes my self control began to tumble.

[ch]
I hate that I love you,
I hate how I still care.
Even with what you've put me through,
I can't help but to stop and stare.

But love and hate
Are one of the same.
Like destiny and fate
Just under a different name.

Knife in my heart, trigger on my mind

you're dragging on
whats already gone.
You're a player and a con
and always left before dawn.

I always knew you're plan.
I was a victim in your scam.
You never really gave a damn
and Im walking like a deadman.

Used for your own need
words planted like a little seed.
growing, growing until you feed, 
Its my heart, take it, and the blood I bleed.

New marks on a numb mind
but these ones Im gonna hide. 
Make sure these ones you cant find
Hurt you and keep you blind.

Hiding emotions feeds the pain,
Im feeling closer to insane.
If I dont respond to my own name 
No one will ever be the same.

Late night emotions become apparent

through out the days we've grown strong

although secretly we know it's wrong,

I haven't felt a connection like this in so long

It's been too long since I felt like I belong.

We have shared what's on our mind

and loved what we've come to find.

You're so sweet, and oh so kind

somewhere in me I want it to be mine.

The words we share are pure and real

I can't believe how you make me feel.

my spirit was broken but you helped me heal,

the cards are out- now shuffle and deal.

dissociation brings logical thought

Broken from the inside out

Leaving me with dread and doubt.

Fully aware that my heart is exposed

Quickly I rise and pull it closed.

The battle has begun on it’s home base

Forcing truths I’d rather not face.

They fight each other then turn on me

Getting me to accept what they want me to see.

I analyze how I acted like a fool

Secretly knowing I was an object, a tool.

Torn apart by a person I called a friend

Determined never to let it happen again.

Shattered walls

Walls crashed down all around me

Turning into someone I used to be.

Caught, frozen in time within myself.

Staggering, second guessing my mental health.

These words are screamed in my head

All the empty words that’s once been said.

Comforting, I wanted to fully believe.

Astonished, when you took your leave.

Emotions roll off me like a thunder storm

But my heart just didn’t listen when warned.

Disbelief, in thinking I’d ever keep what’s not mine

Accepting, to smile and fabricate that I’m just fine.

Unscripted

its 4 AM and you're all alone

no where you sleep feels like home

its the same damn day over again

you wish you wouldnt wake up, just call it an end.

lost inside your mind traveling around

unsure where to look when peace isnt found

finding it harder to keep moving on

cause you're pretty sure sanity's long gone.

You have no one left to call a friend

No, not even God has an angel to send.

So you talk to the shadows in the dark

After all, they're all bite, no bark.

Time loop of destruction

too many situations running though my brain

all this destruction and chaos is driving me insane

each time it's myself that I blame

while i'm standing screaming at the rain..

I can't stop myself from thinking of you

and all that torture you've put  me through.

Healthy relationships apparently is something I can't do

even though I tried to move on I don't believe anything is true.

the pills I do is to numb the pain

I don't care if it's in vain.

my mind HAS to stop speaking your name

because I know in my heart you're to blame.

You've fucked me up beyond all repair

especially now I know it wasn't fair.

I'm lost and losing so I shoot my flare,

Nothing's gone off and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere.. 

Lunar eclipse at night

Walking on the path to oblivion 

Exhausted of the cold world we’re living in.

Unsure where to turn to make it right

Unaware that within darkness there’s light.

Find yourself through the wreckage and pain

Hold your head high and carry no shame.

Wherever you are the same idea’s apply

Know yourself; it’s the best rule to live by.

Considerable knowledge left unknown

It might be the drugs.

It could just be me.

My heart breaks as insanity tugs

At the person I used to be.

The pressure of being strong

Is weighing me down so heavy

Feeling unsure of where I belong

While attempting to hold up so many.

I’m forgetting myself in this mess

I’ve been putting my needs aside.

Who can I turn to if I confess?

The truth is I can’t; I’ve already lied.

So I sit with a paper and pen

Figuring out what is on my mind.

The biggest issue is insecure men

Even the untouchable ones that are kind.

My worst fears are becoming apparent

The old voices are playing their song.

Although I know what was said wasn’t meant,

The after effect stays with me for so long.

Stolen moments of happiness

we're having the time of our lives

living in sin and thinking in lies.

Being beside you shows me happiness

Feeling your body heat brings me bliss.

Stealing moments while lifes at our door

Showing self control makes me want you more.

I've tried just keeping my distance from you

but it failed- theres nothing I can do.

Your touch makes me blush

Your smiles makes me rush.

Your laugh makes me high

Your friendship helps me get by.

Suppressed rage

Lack of sleep with supplied anger

No longer caged in it’s chamber

Let lose to create destruction 

Bringing havoc to this junction .

Constant reminder in the air

So loud I’m ripping out my hair.

All this rage is here to play,

All this hate is here to stay.

I take the back seat and watch the show

Back the fuck off or you’ll see me blow.

Watch what you say while it’s here

The explosion destroys everything that’s near,

Speaking and reacting without a blink

I’m living now, my brain wont think

Wont over think a fucking thing!

This revolt inside me is in full swing.