Cold flame of broken nostalgia

Freezing alone in the theoretical cave you left me in

Shivering away the last shimmer of hope and pride.

Self pity is the toughest opponent to face for victory

Self destruction deems the most appropriate for defeat. 

Exploring ones inner demons can feel impossible 

Exploiting your own faults falls under unthinkable.

To find the way out is to battle your inner fears,

To achieve your freedom you must trust natural instincts.

Attempting to dismiss the obscure thought of lost memories

Struggling against the persistence of unforgotten habits. 

The silent line has been broken with quiet kindness,

The frozen response weighs me more than you know.

Contradictions

I understand the pain you feel
skipping, lying about my last meal.
Just cause my depression is so hard to deal
my heart is closed, a permanent seal.

No way I will allow you in again.
Regardless if I call you my friend.
I thought brokenhearts were for friends to mend
not make it worse and wish for the end.

I miss you

As I watch another night
turn into day.
My heart is heavy with worry on
where you lay.
I have to fight so hard against with words
they say.
Hope is all have that my kindness
you'll soon repay.

You told me to trust you this one
last time,
If you fail me I've already made up
my mind.
But I hold onto your word as if
to find
A new future, like finally waking up
no longer blind.

Since you left my side I have been 
a mess.
Completely lost in my hectric mind I
must confess.
Strange how I can't remember- I must
have repressed.
Our memories so my damaged heart
would hurt less.

Im trying so hard to keep fighting
for you.
But I have no idea what I 
should do. 
I know it would break your heart if
you surely knew
How badly I took it and all the pain I
went through.

Please, baby, come back to me and
come home.
My night terrors are worse when I
sleep alone.
My heart, once open, is now full
now scorn.
Days like this I wonder what it'd be like 
if I wasnt born.

Shattered walls

Walls crashed down all around me

Turning into someone I used to be.

Caught, frozen in time within myself.

Staggering, second guessing my mental health.

These words are screamed in my head

All the empty words that’s once been said.

Comforting, I wanted to fully believe.

Astonished, when you took your leave.

Emotions roll off me like a thunder storm

But my heart just didn’t listen when warned.

Disbelief, in thinking I’d ever keep what’s not mine

Accepting, to smile and fabricate that I’m just fine.

Unscripted

its 4 AM and you're all alone

no where you sleep feels like home

its the same damn day over again

you wish you wouldnt wake up, just call it an end.

lost inside your mind traveling around

unsure where to look when peace isnt found

finding it harder to keep moving on

cause you're pretty sure sanity's long gone.

You have no one left to call a friend

No, not even God has an angel to send.

So you talk to the shadows in the dark

After all, they're all bite, no bark.

Considerable knowledge left unknown

It might be the drugs.

It could just be me.

My heart breaks as insanity tugs

At the person I used to be.

The pressure of being strong

Is weighing me down so heavy

Feeling unsure of where I belong

While attempting to hold up so many.

I’m forgetting myself in this mess

I’ve been putting my needs aside.

Who can I turn to if I confess?

The truth is I can’t; I’ve already lied.

So I sit with a paper and pen

Figuring out what is on my mind.

The biggest issue is insecure men

Even the untouchable ones that are kind.

My worst fears are becoming apparent

The old voices are playing their song.

Although I know what was said wasn’t meant,

The after effect stays with me for so long.

Famine

Ignoring my hunger with a cigarette

Hearing the voices nag me with regret

The boulder of distress is already in set

A web spins and  I’m caught in the net.

Analyzing the night and how it progressed,

Emotions and thoughts willingly confessed.

Time runs fast, remembering being undressed.

My head hurts, I need to get some rest.

My mind disbanding me from sleep

They dig me a whole that’s 8 feet deep

Down there darkness is one I can keep

Maybe I’ll find light, but that’s thinking steep.