Your facade is losing it's touch

Not all unbelievable

not all that inconceivable.

Hours, days, endless time wasted trying

attempting autonomy with a false underlining.

Knees buckling from the insurmountable weight

unyielding insecurities begin to procreate.

Relying on fictitious hope that I mattered

exhaustion hovered bedside with prayers unanswered.

And now hypocritical notions spill from your mouth

as if you bothered assisting an ounce.

Recounting the numbers of the ones who've done me wrong

I added one more because I know you've been one all along.

Obscurity of chance

you're one of a kind/ just so hard to find/ lost in the abyss of our mind/ still struggling to keep in line/ while the world goes down/ we watch it burn to the ground/ the screams are so loud/ that no one is saying a sound/ but at this point in life/ no matter the trouble or strife/ or the attraction to the knife/ we'll always escape the reapers scythe.

Cold flame of broken nostalgia

Freezing alone in the theoretical cave you left me in

Shivering away the last shimmer of hope and pride.

Self pity is the toughest opponent to face for victory

Self destruction deems the most appropriate for defeat. 

Exploring ones inner demons can feel impossible 

Exploiting your own faults falls under unthinkable.

To find the way out is to battle your inner fears,

To achieve your freedom you must trust natural instincts.

Attempting to dismiss the obscure thought of lost memories

Struggling against the persistence of unforgotten habits. 

The silent line has been broken with quiet kindness,

The frozen response weighs me more than you know.

Reality and clarity at stake

how can i undo 

whats already been done?

why did i do this to

the people that once held my sun?

i've been lost

and so much repressed.

Sanity and clariety was the cost

and all I needed was rest.

Look I'm sorry

Theres nothing left to say.

no use to share my story

when it's on repeat every day.

Many people have come and gone

some good, others were users

alot of them did me wrong

I even got with some abusers.

This didn't take a long time

for me to completely break down.

I couldn't claim anything mine

Cause I was broken on the ground.

I'm slowly rebuilding myself

but it's a long process.

I'm trying to fix this life

but it's such a mess.

Early emotions on a Wednesday

can you see what you've done?

You tried too hard, you burnt out the sun.

Whatever we had, it wasn't fun

now it's too late, this damage can't  be undone.

You pushed me, you hurt me you bruised me.

I tried to be the person you wanted me to be.

It never was enough, and I paid the fee.

I'll never be okay with what I see.

I only wanted you to be happy all this time

I sit and try to find words that rhyme

It was foolish for me to call you mine

When, to you, I costed less than a dime.

Now you won't even look my way

But I can still remember that one day

You said you loved me, what a game to play

With a broken heart, this girl has nothing to say.

Knife in my heart, trigger on my mind

you're dragging on
whats already gone.
You're a player and a con
and always left before dawn.

I always knew you're plan.
I was a victim in your scam.
You never really gave a damn
and Im walking like a deadman.

Used for your own need
words planted like a little seed.
growing, growing until you feed, 
Its my heart, take it, and the blood I bleed.

New marks on a numb mind
but these ones Im gonna hide. 
Make sure these ones you cant find
Hurt you and keep you blind.

Hiding emotions feeds the pain,
Im feeling closer to insane.
If I dont respond to my own name 
No one will ever be the same.

Late night emotions become apparent

through out the days we've grown strong

although secretly we know it's wrong,

I haven't felt a connection like this in so long

It's been too long since I felt like I belong.

We have shared what's on our mind

and loved what we've come to find.

You're so sweet, and oh so kind

somewhere in me I want it to be mine.

The words we share are pure and real

I can't believe how you make me feel.

my spirit was broken but you helped me heal,

the cards are out- now shuffle and deal.

dissociation brings logical thought

Broken from the inside out

Leaving me with dread and doubt.

Fully aware that my heart is exposed

Quickly I rise and pull it closed.

The battle has begun on it’s home base

Forcing truths I’d rather not face.

They fight each other then turn on me

Getting me to accept what they want me to see.

I analyze how I acted like a fool

Secretly knowing I was an object, a tool.

Torn apart by a person I called a friend

Determined never to let it happen again.

Shattered walls

Walls crashed down all around me

Turning into someone I used to be.

Caught, frozen in time within myself.

Staggering, second guessing my mental health.

These words are screamed in my head

All the empty words that’s once been said.

Comforting, I wanted to fully believe.

Astonished, when you took your leave.

Emotions roll off me like a thunder storm

But my heart just didn’t listen when warned.

Disbelief, in thinking I’d ever keep what’s not mine

Accepting, to smile and fabricate that I’m just fine.

Time loop of destruction

too many situations running though my brain

all this destruction and chaos is driving me insane

each time it's myself that I blame

while i'm standing screaming at the rain..

I can't stop myself from thinking of you

and all that torture you've put  me through.

Healthy relationships apparently is something I can't do

even though I tried to move on I don't believe anything is true.

the pills I do is to numb the pain

I don't care if it's in vain.

my mind HAS to stop speaking your name

because I know in my heart you're to blame.

You've fucked me up beyond all repair

especially now I know it wasn't fair.

I'm lost and losing so I shoot my flare,

Nothing's gone off and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere.. 

Deep down I'm just another reject

I’m running on pure adrenalin 

My darkest wish is to pour crimson

All over these empty walls

I’m struggling so hard against these calls.

Everywhere I look is full of memories

I’d love to be lost within the breweries.

I’m fighting the thoughts with my might

Although I’m not sure how long I can fight.

It would be so easy to give in to them all

They would be all so happy if I fall.

The voices scream at me to do so.

But the little voice that is me screams back “no”.

So small, so inaudible I can barely hear

So insignificant the noise is so unclear.

Can I make it with this little thought?

Or will I lose this fight I’ve already fought?

Disguising my distress with such smiles

Even though I’ve been sent to the exiles.

I feel so disgusting with just the thought of it

They believe I should sit and take the hit.

The real me can’t sit still any longer

So I’ll just give in and go on a bender.

Forgetting conscious thought and reason

Not even caring if I’m alone and beaten.

Until I come down and see the damage I’ve done

Then my heart starts to thicken

The guilt of my actions will have no affect

Because deep down, I’m just another reject.